I’ve seen them all. Now it’s time to rank them.

I’ve never been a big fan of this series. They are poorly made. They are cheaply made. They are more interested in blood than craft. But I do love the feeling of them. They are quintessential 80’s movies. They feel so much of their time and place. The fashion, the music, the style. They are dripping in 80’s politics, have sex and die! Boys will be boys. They have that 80’s grainy film stock that only existed in the 80’s. Colors pop. Shadows are long and dark. So while these movies are great, it is fun to step into them once a year and time travel back to 80’s as they were then not as we’ve reimagined then in every single modern show and movie.

Okay, all that said, where do these movies rank for me? Below Halloween. Above Nightmare on Elm Street.

How do the twelve movies rank?

In last place, Friday the 13th (2009) I dislike this remake. It takes itself too seriously. It’s too self aware. It’s also just kind of forgettable. I don’t remember much, and I’ve seen it twice.

11. Jason Goes to Hell: the Final Friday. Paramount Pictures who made the series up until this point sold the franchise to New Line Cinema. They changed the style and focus of the movie. It’s supernatural. It’s about Jason’s spirit taking over the bodies of various people. Gone are all the elements that made the series work. It just feels like a different franchise. It’s also the first one made in the 90’s gone is that 80’s style.

10. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning. This is another one that messed with the formula and found out what happens. This one is just forgettable and lame.

9. Freddy vs Jason I’ve seen this one a few times but never really cared for it. It’s too obviously a mismatch of ann80’s series being mashed into the early 2000’s. The styles just don’t gel. Although there’s an amazing scene where Jason kills a kid then uses the fold out bed to snap him in half and make a teenager and mattress sandwich. Ridiculous

8. Friday the 13th part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan another break from the formula. The title is amazing. The scenes where Jason punches a guys head off is incredible but the movie has a whole is pretty forgettable.

7. Jason X another couple of incredible moments create fond memories for me. The famous liquid nitrogen scene is wild. The extended recreation of the sleeping bag sequence is fun. It’s just a dumb concept that somebody totally believed in.

6. Friday the 13th the original. It has young Kevin Bacon. It has a few decent moments. There’s a shower and axe murder that was pretty good. But this is so badly made and poorly executed it’s only number six.

5. Friday the 13th part 2 this one is an improvement on the original in terms of quality and execution. The wheel chair kill is shocking and memorable even today. The final girl in this one is also smart and capable and survives the finale in an incredibly innovative way.

4. Friday the 13th The Final Chapter the bloodiest and the horniest of these movies. It has Crispin Glover whining about women. It has so many naked bodies on display. It also reached levels of blood and guts that caused a massive public outcry at the time.

3. Friday the 13th part VII the New Blood I personally love this one. It’s Jason vs Carrie essentially. A psychic girl with telekinesis fights Jason with her super powers. It is the right combination of silly and serious. It’s the right amount of dumb. It also has an amazing make up design for Jason’s rotting undead face when his mask is removed.

2. Friday the 13th part VI Jason Lives this is the first one I saw. Jason’s rotten body is dug up and revived by a bolt of lightning. Amazing. So dumb. It has a protagonist who is trying to kill Jason yet again. It has an actual story beyond just murdering horny teens. I think this would be my favorite if not for my number one pick…

1. Friday the 13th part 3 the 3D!!!! This movie is terrible. One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. But holy crap is it fun to watch. The obvious 3D shots as people reach toward the camera. The ridiculous moment where they put the camera on the ground and had a guy yo-yo at the lens. The kills are silly. The characters are absurd. The final girl is good. She’s smart if not entirely capable. Jason gets his iconic mask. The whole thing works in-spite none of it actually working.

None of these are very scary. But they have good Halloween movie vibes. They feel like spooky scary time to me and I’ll always enjoy them on some level even if it is just nostalgia.